Schmuko's Big Debut

Alright here, I guess its time to blog it up! Hold on! Because here I go!

Yesterday was my big show debut for Second City. Currenty, I'm in the 3rd level of classes. The last week of the show you get to perform a 17-minute show on the mainstage. Let me just say it was an honor to perform on the same stage where some of the best comedians in history have performed. That was cool! None of the stuff we performed were planned or written sketches. They were all improv games. Kind of like the stuff you see on the tv show "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" So the first game we did is called "freeze tag." This is where two people start off a scene and the rest of the class stands in a line behind them The two people perform a short scene and then somebody from the back-line yells "freeze." The person that yelled "freeze" taps one of the people out in the scene and takes their place in a new scene Then eventually somebody else from the backline will yell "freeze" and enter the scene. Hopefully I explained this accuarately enough, but knowing me I probably did not.

During "freeze tag" it was time for "schumko" (me!) to enter the scene. Usually you just do two scenes and then you go back into the line. But for some reason I was left out there for about three scenes. And let me tell ya, I performed like total crap for this game. I could not think of anything funny to say. I probably would of been funnier, just standing there not saying anything. In each scene I had a fresh new start. And do you want to know what I did with that fresh new start? I took it straight to the shitter. The best example: Was this one scene, where one of my classmates opened the scene with "Hey, you're wearing my shirt." Now this is a perfectly good line to open up a scene. There are many different avenues you can go with this line. For some odd reason I decided to reply "Well you know this shirt looks great on my breasts and ass." What in the f*** was I thinking? What the hell does that mean? And how is that funny? And why would I say the shirt looks good on my ass? The last time I did a scientific study, you wear pants on your ass, not shirts. So as you read this I'm sure you are thinking to yourself, "Wow this guy has a great comedy career ahead of him."

I was able to somewhat redeem myself during the "gibberish panel of experts game." This game is where you have three experts of a certain subject, and they speak gibberish. You have an english interpreter who stands behind each gibberish expert that explains word-for-word what the gibberish means. The audience asks questions to to the panel of gibberish of experts. For this game we were experets in child development. Fortunately, the game went a little better than "freeze tag." I have a unique sound to my gibberish. It's like a cross between a rabbi and the character "Borat" from the Ali G show. I have no idea where that came from. My buddy Mike did a very nice job of interpeting the gibberish in English. And Mike, that's probably how you got the groupie to come up to you after the show. (Inside joke there.)

So I guess folks, the lesson here is: If you are not funny, than do not perform on stage at Second City. And also, it's not funny to say your t-shirt looks good on your ass.

I'm Out!