Sunday, April 01, 2012

The Missing Enchilada

Recently, the red button on my Blackberry Torch decided to die on me. For those of you who still use rotary phones, the red button’s main function is to disconnect or hang-up calls. I must say this has become an annoyance because in order for me to hang up, I have to take the battery out of the phone. This issue got me in a bit of trouble the other night when I got some carry out at Wahoo’s Fish Tacos.

I waddled into Wahoos and ordered two tacos and an enchilada with some rice and beans. Now the enchilada was essential to the meal because it provided some much needed zest and flavor. In other words, the fat kid in me just wanted to eat an enchilada. As they gave me my food, I asked them if everything was in the bag and they gave me the seal of approval.
When I got home, I ripped open the carry-out container and all I saw were rice and beans. I then searched the bag and all I could find were two individually wrapped tacos. My worst nightmare had come true, they'd forgotten my enchilada!

It took me over 20 minutes to drive home so there was no way I was going to drive back there. I was pretty much screwed and I came to the realization that the enchilada and I were never going to have our special moment together.

With no other options, I picked up the phone and called Wahoos to give them a little piece of my mind. I told them I could not believe they could forget my enchilada after I asked them to make sure everything was in the bag. I felt like Liam Neeson in “Taken” when he screams at the kidnappers on the phone after his daughter gets abducted.

Bring me back my enchilada!!!

And by the way, when you call a food establishment to tell them they forgot a $3 item in your order, there’s a little voice in your head that says to you… “Hey chubbs, is this really worth it?  I really don’t think missing out on an enchilada is going to kill you.”

The fat kid in me decided to ignore the little voice and yell at the Wahoos employee a little more. As I’m having some words with him, I look out of the corner of my eye and see a little red sauce poking underneath the rice. I then quickly move the rice out of the way and I find my missing enchilada. For some odd reason it was buried underneath my rice and beans like hidden treasure.

Unfortunately, I’m still on the line with the Wahoos employee, but I’m too much of a coward to admit I found the enchilada. I try to hang up my phone and of course it will not hang up because the friggin red button doesn’t work! The guy on the line is still trying talk to me so I just buried the phone underneath my couch as I made sweet passionate love to the enchilada.

Speaking of scrumptious food... Do you smell that? Because I think can smell some McNuggets!
-I want to thank everybody for your support about my audition as Horse #2 for the HBO show “Luck.” To give you an update, the audition did not go very well because I actually died during it.

-I’m kind of upset the “The Hunger Games” stole the title of my soon to be released autobiography about growing up as a fat kid.

-It’s good to see they let the whole cast of “American Reunion” out of rehab to make the movie.

-Is it just me or was “21 Jump Street” not a funny movie? Apparently, I seem to be the only person who thinks this.

-Speaking of Jonah Hill, I watched him host Saturday Night Live recently and on behalf of all the chunksters out there… It’s great to have you back!

-Does it take anyone else longer to think of a suitable subject for the e-mail then to write the actual e-mail?

-I think I’m going to start “liking” depressing status updates on Facebook to confuse people.

-I’ve come to the realization that I’ll never feel satisfied in life until I try the new Dorito taco at Taco Bell.

-The other day when I got out of the shower, for some odd reason I decided to put on my socks first before my underwear. All I can say is that it felt horribly weird and I hope to never do that ever again.

-When people refer to where they live, they need to stop using the word “house” so loosely. If you live an apartment/condo then unfortunately you can’t say house. I just need to make sure my jealously is accurately directed at people who actually own homes. 

-I was at Coffee Bean and this 16-18 year old girl accidentally knocked over this glass bottle of milk as she was on her way out. The glass and the milk splattered everywhere and the staff didn’t make a big deal out of it and cleaned it up. About 3 minutes later, I hear something else hit the ground. I turn around and the same girl spilled as she was pouring something into it. I realize I'm not a judge, but I think it would be legal at this point for the Coffee Bean staff to beat the living snot out of this clumsy girl.

-What’s the deal with restaurants’ fascination of sitting you right next to strangers when there is a plethora of tables available? If this trend doesn’t stop, I’m going to bring the clumsy 16-18 year old girl Coffee Bean girl with me to knock over some plates and glasses.