Sunday, February 15, 2009

Rihanna & Chris Brown: The True Story

I am very sorry to hear about Chris Brown's and Rihanna's altercation. I hope Chris Brown is properly punished for what he did. But I do have some inside information as to why the incident happened. In one of my previous blogs, I had mentioned that I bumped into Mr. Brown & Rihanna at The Grove movie theater in LA back in August. So this is what happened...

A hot sexy beefcake, Jonno, waddles into a movie theater carrying an extra large bucket of popcorn. He bumps into Chris Brown and Rihanna. Jonno and Rihanna lock eyes. There is mutual attraction. Chris Brown scowls at Jonno with jealousy.

Chris Brown: (To Rihanna) What you looking at that dude for?
Rihanna: What's your problem? I can look at whoever I want. That Jonno boy is fine!
Chris Brown: You best not be looking at any other boys! I don't care how fine that Jonno is and I know he is fine!
Rihanna: Whatever...
Chris Brown: In 6 months, I'm going to get in argument with you in a car, before the Grammy's, and hit you because of this!


Other Nuggets (This reminds me of Chicken McNuggets. Hmmmm....)

-I was in Banana Republic the other day, looking for some jeans. One of the sales associates comes up to me and asks if they could help me. I said sure, I'm looking for some jeans either 34x34 or 36x34. He then replies, hmmm... that's not a normal size. Thanks buddy, you really know how to make a customer feel good about himself. I'll be sure next time to make sure I go to the Big and Tall Freaks Republic.

-I'm sure everybody by now is familiar with the over-done and over-used "That Was Easy" Staples Advertising Campaign. They sell the red buttons that you can press it and it says those exact words. I guess at first it was a cute concept and amusing, but now it's annoying and old. Apparently people at my work have been living under a rock for the last 2 years. There's been about 3 instances recently, where somebody has seen the red button for the first time and then laughed hysterically. And then pressed it repeatedly. I mean what's next? Are they going to start doing Borat impressions and singing Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy" all day?-

I was in the elevator the other day with this peculiar man. I pressed "13" because I was going to the 13th floor. And he asked me to press "18" for him because he was holding stuff. He then says to me in a very creepy voice, "Oooh 13 that's not good. It's Friday the 13th." I reply, "Oh yeah I didn't realize that." He says, "I would be careful if I were you." At this point, I'm a little spooked out and thinking this is the longest elevator ride to the 13th floor in my life. He then says, "Do you know who's coming here this weekend?" I reply, "I don't." He's says, "Well you should know." I was like okay??? And he says, "I'm not going to tell you." I was ready for him to then say, "It's me! And I'm going to slice your head your off!" How about having the security guards not just in the main lobby, but the elevators too. Just a thought.

-I hope everybody had a wonderful and fantastic Valentine's Day. Except to all the girls in my lifetime who have rejected me or would not give me the time of day. And to all the girls that I have rejected in my lifetime... Unfortunately there are none. Well there was that one transvestite... Does that count?

I'm Out!