Friday, November 25, 2005

The Automatic Garage Door

Narrated by: Morgan Freeman

It was a beautiful chilly Friday Morning in November. Just like any normal week day, a young man named Jonno leaves for work. Jonno walks to his car, which is on the third level of a parking garage. He gets into his car and quickly turns on Howard Stern. Jonno waits for a few minutes to warm up his car. He realizes that just like any other day, he is running late. Jonno backs out of his parking spot and goes down a ramp to exit the parking garage. At the end of a downhill ramp is an automatic garage door. This auomatic garage has a sensor, and once the car is close to the door, the garage door goes up. As Jonno gets close to the garage door, it would not go up. Jonno then thinks to himself "Well, this is strange." But he refuses to panic. After over a year of using this automatic garage door, this same situation has ocurred once before. So what Jonno did that time, was reverse and then try again and the automatic garage door worked. Given that success, he thought he would try that again. Jonno reversed his car and then went forward again. The garage door did not go up. And this time Jonno was only a few feet away from the garage door on a downhill slope. Jonno was not sure what to do. He quickly thought about honking his horn, hoping that somebody that worked in the garage would come to his aid. But he decided not to. Jonno knew he had to reverse, but was a bit worried because of the closenes to the door and the downhill position of the ramp. So he knew he had to reverse as quickly as possible, to ensure that the car went backwards. With Jonno's foot on the brake, he put his car in reverse. He then quickly put his foot on the accelerator and for some unfortunate reason the car went forward and straight into the garage. Jonno in complete shock, realized he had just completely destroyed the automatic garage door and wrecked his car. It was almost like a scene out of a Vin Diesel action movie. In many people's eyes Jonno may be looked at, as an idiot, douche bag, or a retard. But to many people on the third floor parking garage, Jonno is recognized as a hero. Now, nobody will ever have to deal with the automatic garage door not working, thanks to Jonno's courageous act of bravery.

I'm out!

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Entourage, Ozzie's Hair, and Fattening Chipotle

-I was able to see "Jarhead" this weekend and I was not impressed. The previews tricked you into thinking it was going to be some intense, non-stop action war movie, when it was actually the opposite.

-I don't know what it is, but I seem to have bad luck in movie theaters. I always sit around people that talk. And I don't have the friggin guts to tell them to shut the hell up. Damn, people suck!

-I started watching the first season of "Entourage" on DVD. I gotta say, I like the show. But at the same time it kind of gets me jealous. Why couldn't one of my friends from High School, been some cool, good lucking, famous actor? Then I would get to live off his money, never work, and get leftover women. (Lesson for youngsters: Only be friends with cool, good looking people. Nice friends will you get you nowhere.)

-Ozzie Guillen sure has a great head of hair. Very underrated.

-Just found out that I will be in the Thanksgiving parade on a float, promoting the company I work for. (And no I am not going to be one of the blimps.)

-Is it just me or does anybody else have trouble finding the type of pickles they desire in the grocery store? I could of sworn that I was there for a good half-hour.

-That Melinda girl from the "The Real World," sure has a nice rack.

-Christian Slater fell off a roof, while intoxicated at a Paris Hilton party. This is the best career move he has had made, since the movie "Hard Rain."

-I heard there was some gay dude making anti-semitic remarks on the "Apprentice" this past week. Somebody please put a muzzle on that damn fairy.

-How sad is it that I still can't watch scarey movies?

-Drew, I hope you're giving this blog a thumbs up.

-The Bulls look less talented this season, but they're still playing their asses off.

-When will Isiah Thomas be relieved of his general manager responsibilites?

-Nicole Richie looks gross as hell.

-I made a Turkey Burger on my Foreman at 2 o'clock in the morning. How fat and pathetic is that?

-I recently found out how bad Chipotle Burritos are for you. Even my Burrito Bowls have like over 30 grams of fat. (Not counting sour cream or guacamole.)

-I sure could go for some Chipotle right now.

I'm Out!