Friday, July 22, 2005

War of the Wedding Crashers

As all of you know, summer is the time when all the blockbusters come out. So recently, I was able to check out “War of the Worlds” and “Wedding Crashers.”

First we’ll discuss “War of the Worlds.” Unless you have been knocked unconscious for the last few weeks, I will assume everybody knows what this movie is about. Overall, I found the movie extremely entertaining. You just know, when you mix Speilberg with Cruise you are going to get good results. I will say at first though, I had trouble taking Cruise seriously with all the Katie Holmes, Scientology, weird interviews, jumping on couches, getting water squirted in the face, and gay rumors. But ten minutes into the movie I was able to get focused into the story and block out images of Tom Cruise “Bent” over on Rob Thomas’s lap.(There's a litttle joke for all you Matchbox Twenty fans out there.)

Say what you want about the guy, but the man can act. I could not have pictured another actor playing this role. And Speilberg has the ability to make his films extremely intense. Almost to the point where you feel like you are a part of the movie. I’ll be honest, when I walked out of the theatre I thought I would see people running around screaming with aliens chasing them. Fortunately, that did not happen because that would really suck.

There were some problems with how realistic the movie was. There were many things I saw on screen that I had to scratch my head about. I won’t divulge what they were because I don’t want to spoil the movie for my wonderful fans. But take the movie for what it is, which is an entertaining two hour movie, with non-stop action and good acting. I give it 3 awkward moments/out of 4 awkward moments.

Let’s move on to “Wedding Crashers” starring Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson. Vaughn and Wilson are best friend/divorce attorneys who crash weddings to hook up with women. From the previews, I knew this movie was going to be good. And it definitely lived up to my expectations.

For me Vince Vaughn made this movie. Ever since “Swingers” I knew this guy was a scene stealer. And this movie allows Vaughn to demonstrate his true talents with his fast talking, sarcastic wit dialogue. You almost got to think some of the stuff he says in this movie has to be improvised and not scripted. I know Vince Vaughn is a big star right now, but after this movie I could see him demanding millions in the double digits and being able to call his own shots.

I’m not a big Owen Wilson fan. I feel talent-wise he is a bit overrated. I enjoyed him in “Meet the Parents,” “Zoolander,” and “Behind Enemy Lines.” Other than those three, I am not a big fan of his work. But in this movie he has great on-screen chemistry with Vaughn. The reason why he fits well is because it helps to have a straight guy acting next to Vaughn’s high energy character. One of the negatives of the movie was the love story between Owen Wilson and Rachael McAdams. I mean I understand it was an important part of the movie, but I just thought it dragged on way too much.

The rest of the supporting cast does a great job. Christopher Walken is always good, no matter what movie he is in. The girl who plays Vaughn’s love interest is very funny, even for a chick. (On a side note is engaged to comedian Ali G) Also, I recently found out they used a body double for her nude scene. I was pretty disappointed to hear that. The bad guy character is played by some no-name actor and I even thought he was great. To make the movie even better there are plenty of boob shots. Message to any directors out there: Boob shots can only improve a movie. Heck, there’s even a breast shot of Jane Seymour(Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman). That should be a reason alone to go see this movie. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention a very funny cameo towards the end. (Clue: Think Cowbell)

As you can see, this was an extremely funny comedy and I envision it being a future classic. So I give it 3 ½ awkward moments, out of 4.

I’m Out!

P.S. Bumpz(Phil), you’re getting married? So what do you call what happened last night? Are you just trying to use me?

Friday, July 08, 2005

The Drunken Idiotic Journey: Part Two

I know too much time has passed to write a blog about my drunken idiotic journey, but I got to finish off the story. After my co-workers party, we took a cab to a bar, right by my apartment. I vaguely remember, but I was sitting at a table in the back with my buddy Nick drinking a beer. Nick leaves to go to the bathroom and tells me he would be right back. For some reason, I decided to just get up and leave the bar without telling him. I then somehow make it to my apartment and was getting ready to open the door with my keys. I felt the urge to go to the bathroom (#1). In my drunken state, I of course had trouble opening my door. (I also have the same problem when I'm sober.) As I am struggling to get the door open with my keys, the urge to urinate is getting worse and worse. I then decide to stand right in front of my door and urinate in my pants. I think my rationalization was, maybe I can just let a little out and then stop so I would feel better. Apparently, I could not figure out from 24 years of peeing experience that once you start, you cannot stop.

After my bathroom break, I enter my apartment and head straight to the toilet. I get on the ground in front of my toilet and start yacking like there is no tomorrow. I have no idea how long I was vomiting for, but it felt like hours. Apparently during this time, Nick is calling me on my cellphone and landline phones. The doorman will not let Nick up to my apartment unless I answer the phone. I should remind all of you that Nick lives in Northwest Indiana, so he was planning to crash at my place. I think I remember hearing the phone ring, but it felt like there was some type of uncontrollable force keeping me from answering the phone. At this point, Nick is extremly angry with me and he ends up sleeping on the couch in the lobby for a few hours. At the same time, I am passed out next to my toilet with vomit all over me. Nick later tells me, he even contemplated driving back home if he could sober up. Finally, 5 o'clock in the morning rolls around and Nick enters my apartment. I wake up from his entrance and he asks me "Where the Hell was I?" and "How come I didn't answer the phone." I don't remember my reply, but I think it was something along the lines of "Sorry." I then return back to the bathroom ground and start yacking again in the toilet. Hopefully, at this point Nick realized why I was not able to answer the phone.

Eventually the yacking stopped and I was able to stumble to my bed and pass out. In the morning, Nick somewhat forgave me and we joked about my moronic and retarded actions. I also knew buying him Jimmy Johns would win me some points. We also listened to the phone messages he left from the night before. The first message is like "Jon, where the hell are you?" The next message is like "Jon, I'm getting extremely annoyed where the hell are you?" Each message Nick gets increasinly angry. By the tenth one, it sounds like he is literally ready to knock my door down and rip my head off. Fortunately, all these messages are saved and I can listen to them whenver I need a good chuckle.

What a friggin night!

I'm Out!