Sunday, December 05, 2004

The Honk

What up yo? For a change, I'm actually writing this blog at my apartment instead of at work. Maybe I can be more productive at work? Uhh . . . Probably not.

Yeah so get this. On Friday, I was driving home from work. Traffic was horribe, I was tired, and I really had to urinate. Understandably, I was not the most patient person in the world. I'm finally near my place and its a green-light, getting ready to make a right turn. But the walk signal is on, so people are crossing the street. A batch of 6-8 people cross the street, walking fairly quickly. About ten feet behind, is a middle-aged man maybe in his late fifties walking extremely slow. And when I say extremely slow, I mean the slowest I have ever seen somebody walk in my lifetime. It almost seemed like he was walking backwards. And it was not a slow walk, like I am deathly ill and I cannot walk any faster. If that was a case, I would of totally understood. It appeared this man was in some type of daze and had no idea that there were cars waiting to make a turn. So, because this man looked harmless, non-threatening, and I really had to pee. I decided to use my horn and give a little honk. Nothing too rude, just a little wake-up call. You know "Hey buddy, lets pick up the pace here." So this mysterious man stops walking, turns around, walks up my to my car with this wide-eye, scarey mean look. He screams on the top of his lungs, "ARE YOU HONKINGAT ME." I was in such shock, I did not know what to do. To defend my manlihood, I think I gave one of the of those hand movements without making eye contact "like get the the hell out of here." In reality I was pissing my pants and thought any moment this crazy lunatic could break my car window and snap my head off. I mean if you saw this man walking down the street, you would not think he was threatening in any way. But man, did he scare the shit out of me with the screaming and the look in his eyes. Because I live right down the street, where the honk incident occured. I figured for sure this mysterious man had to of seen me pull in to my building. When I parked my car and got out . . . Let's just say I made a quick dash into my building. So folks, I guess the lesson here is to be weary of you honk at. And mysterious/frightening man, I would like to apologize for honking at you. But damn, you walk slow!

Nice win for the Bears Today. Chad Hutchinson got his first start of the year and threw for 3 TD's/over 200 yards. My question is to Bears coaches: Why wasn't this guy signed before the season to back up Grossman, instead of Jonathan Quinn Medicine woman? Just something I was wondering.

On TBS late Saturday morning "Sleepless in Seattle" was on. Previously, I've only seen parts of the movie, but after watching it the whole way through. Not bad at all. A very well acted movie, with a good story. But chances are, if this happend in real life. The person that sent the letter to Tom Hanks, would not look like Meg Ryan. She would probably look more like Kathy Bates.

To all you tuna lovers out there. When I waddled to the grocery store last weekened. I bought six cans of star fish tuna for 79 cents each. I made sure the tuna was in water, and not in oil. Becuase I already made that mistake before. But evidently, the tuna I got was tuna light in water. Instead of getting the normal white tuna in water. And let me tell ya, the light tuna is pretty darn gross. So if you know anybody that wants five cans of star fish light tuna in water let me know. Because I give up.

Alright, I got to get ready for a big week of work. But before I go I would like to give a shout-out to my main-man Johnny and wish him a happy birthday. Your Hooters lunch, is coming bro. I'm out!


Steve Baird said...

My friend John told me to go visit his blog.
So I opened my garage and jumped on my hog.
I rode around town and found myself in a fog.
What in the world is this thing called a blog?
Is it a place with fountains and maybe a frog?
Or a small little shack with a big hairy dog?
Or maybe my death trap at the bottom of a bog?
I don't know so I'm sucking down more egg nog.
Egg makes me run to the toilet and lay down a log.
So I jumped on my bike and rode through the fog.
Better be careful not to run over a frog,
Or even someones cat or a small little dog.
I got back safe and parked my new hog,
and ran up the stairs to lay my log.
I phoned my friend John and said "what is a blog"?
It's not in a place with fountains or a frog?
It's in no little shack with a big hairy dog?
Is it my death trap at the bottom of a bog?
He said no it's on the internet you stupid crog!
I feel so lame like a dumb little frog?
I hung up the phone and ran down in a jog,
opened the garage and got back on my hog.
I'm going to the internets and find John's blog.
Don't want to be known as a stupid little crog!
I finally figured it out and wrote like a dog.
So my friend could see that I visited his blog.
SMB 01/10/05

Jonno said...

What the heck was that? Are you on drugs?