Friday, January 14, 2005

I like to eat Burrito Bowls.

Alright its Friday, so let’s get the awkwardness going.

The other night I was doing some jogging on the treadmill, in the work-out room in my building. In the work-out room we have one TV. So whoever is in the room first has control over the TV. At times this can turn into a huge problem. I can get stuck watching some really bad crap for a while, like Gillmore Girls or some cheesy Lifetime movie. Whenever I have control over the TV, I try to put something on that would interest everybody. Like a football or basketball game. When I entered the work-out room I saw an older lady working out. I thought to myself “Shit! What the hell does she have on?” I look up at the TV and the woman has “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” on the tube. Let me just say its annoying enough to be jogging 3 miles and burned out after a long day of work. But it is even worse to watch these overly flamboyant, so-called men critique some dude as he shaves naked in the bathroom, By the end of the work-out, I felt like Richard Simmons sweatin’ to the oldies. I think the damn “Queer Show hypnotized me. Because right after I was done jogging, I did some squats and lunges to tighten up my ass.

The other day I waddled over to one of my favorite places, Chilpote. Many people at Chilpote always order a burrito or tacos. These people are unaware of the best item on the menu: The Burrito Bowl. A burrito bowl is basically everything you have in a burrito, but without the tortilla. It is served in a bowl and makes a scrumptious and delicious rice concoction. But before you order this dish there are a few rules you have to know.

1. Ask for extra rice, when they are filling your bowl with rice. This increases the portion size of your burrito bowl with not extra cost. But it is imperative that you ask for the extra rice after they have given your standard 2 scoops of rice.
2. When it comes to the meat part, do not be afraid to ask for double meat. So it is very possible that you could be eating your burrito bowl with not only chicken, but some steak in there also. (The fat kid alarm is going off now!)
3. Finally, I do not want to take credit for this because I did not come up with it. But an un-named source figured out that after your rice bowl is made, ask for a tortilla on the side. Now you can use this tortilla to either eat on the side as bread, or put some of the rice bowl ingredients on it. This is totally your own discretion. If you are a female it is crucial that you ask the male Chilpote worker for the tortilla. If you are a male, you ask the female Chilpote worker. And if you are ugly, just flip a coin.

Moving on, many people are asking me my thoughts on the Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston break-up. Well, lets start off by saying both these people appear to be extremely good looking, so they will have no trouble finding anybody else. So people, lets stop with this whining over there split. To all those rumors that the reason Brad split from Jen is because he wanted a baby, but Jen did not want one is complete bull. Brad Pitt could give a rat’s ass if he has a kid or not. I’ll fill you in on what happened. One day Brad Pitt woke up and realized he was Brad Pitt. He realized that he was filming a movie with Angelina Jolie, and that he could get her (probably aleady did) and anybody else he wants. Hell, he could probably even get me if he tried hard enough. He realized that his wife Jennifer, 34, is not getting any younger. Hence, is why the split happened. Don't get me wrong, Jennifer Anniston is an amazing looking woman. I would probably give my left arm to be a in the same room as that woman. Okay maybe I’m exaggerating a little bit here, I would give my right arm since I’m a lefty. Get your head out of the gutter, I know what you are thinking.

WARNING:To all you non-sport fans, this last rant will bore the crap out of you.

How about my Chicago Bulls? Have you seen how they are playing? They have won five in a row and have one of the best records in the NBA for January. Most of the credit has to go to Coach Scott Skiles and GM John Paxson. Skiles has done an amazing job coaching this team and has actually taught them how to play defense. John Paxson has gotten rid of all that crap on all that team and brought in people who actually want to play hard-nosed basketball. Jalen Rose, Jamal Crawford, Eddie Robinson, Marcus Fizer have all gone bye-bye. He has made three superb draft picks in Kirk Hinrich(reminds me of John Stockon), Ben Gordon (the guy can score!), and Luol Deng(never stops moving). And finally Eddy Curry (contract year) is playing like how people imagined he could. This team has a young nucleus and will only get better. The Eastern Conference is so bad, I think they have a chance to be the 4th of 5th seed by the end of the season. You heard it here first folks.

Alright I’m Out!

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