So I head over to Target the other day. The main reason I went there is to get the microwavable Campbell's Soup bowls. I usually eat 3 or 4 of these at work on a weekly basis. I go for the chicken noodle ones or chicken & pasta. I am a not a big fan of the beef or steak ones. The microwavable soups really save me. Around 12:00 is usually our lunch time, but at around 10a-11a I am just starving. And the soup does its best to hold me over till lunch. It is also not that fattening either, which is good when you have the eating capacity of a manatee(A big fat 1,000 pound mammal that lives under water.) The grocery stores around the city sell these soups at high prices, but Target prices them a lot cheaper. So I walk in to Target and of course they were cleaned out, nowhere to be seen. But fortunately there were some other things I needed to get. One of those items was toilet paper. Yes people, the big secret is out! Jonno does go #2. I apologize to all of my fans who thought differently. Now the question is, when the hell did Target turn into Sam's Club? Because all the toilet paper I saw was being sold in these huge mega 24-36 packs. I don't know about you, but whenever I see people wheeling around these huge packs of toilet paper, I always notice it and chuckle a little to myself. I know its immature, but I can't help it. So there was no way I was carrying a 36-pack toilet paper. The smallest I could find was a 12-pack and it still seemed a little to much for me. I just figured to myself, "What the hell? Who am I trying to impress?" Its not like I'll find Salma Hayek strolling around here. So I toughed it up and got the damn toilet paper. Oh and by the way, I did catch some kids staring at me and my 12-pack.
So after work, I headed back to my apartment building. One of negatives of living in an apartment building is that whatever you bring back people see. The doorman, people in the lobby, or even people in the elevator. Its not like I'm smuggling midgets or anything, but I like to have some privacy. I take the big thing of toilet paper out of my car. Of course its not in a bag because it's too damn big! I mean I might as well have a sign on my back that reads "Look everybody, I can poop!" I walk into my building and instantly get a few stares. But now its time for the awkward elevator ride. I step in the elevator, ready to go up, and there I see an attractive girl in the elevator.(Worst-case scenario!) So Schmuko(me!) comes stumbling in the elevator with my over-sized pack of toilet paper. And I don't think she was impressed. You knowI don't blame here. If I saw a decent looking girl hauling an obscene amount of toilet paper, I would be like "What the hell also?" So I totally understand her reaction. The thing I dont understand is, why could it of been one of the sixty-year-old ladies in the elevator? We have plenty of those in my building. If that was the case, I would not of given a rat's ass. Heck, I might of even offered the older lady a roll or two. But I guess moments like these are what makes the "Awkward Chronicles" so special.
I'm pooped out! (Hah-Hah) Get it??? Okay I'll stop.