Saturday, February 05, 2005

Boring Random Rants and a Whacko Lady

Alright, what up? I never know how to start these darn things, so lets cut to the chase here.

My thoughts on Sammy Sosa being traded: What team would want Sosa? Are they crazy? Granted the Cubs will be paying for most of his salary, but this guy is damaged goods. He hits for a low average, strikes out a ton, can't field, has no arm, close to 40 years old, doesn't care about winning, plays loud annoying music with his boombox, has some sketchy entourage, and is a self-centered pain in the ass. You would think these reasons, would be enough not to trade for him. But for some strange reason the Baltimore Orioles were willing to take him. Here is another good example of Cubs GM Jim Hendry making another masterful move. If he could only be the White Sox GM. . . . Now don't think that just because Sosa has left the Cubs, I'm switching to the North Side. There are still too may reasons why I would never become a Cub fan. One of them is the fear of my father disowning me. So don't worry, I will always stay true to my lonely White Sox. No matter how tough it gets. But for all you Cubs fan out there, be extremely happy that this phoney, fake, piece of crap is gone.

What the heck happend Saturday Night Live? Oh my God is it bad! The cast is so not funny. The writing is horrible! Lorne Michaels, its time to do something already. The only funny/talented person on the cast right now is Fred Arminsen. He is really the only guy I see who has a future in Hollywood. I'll also add that Darrell Hammond is good at doing impressions and Amy Poehler is funny for a chic. One of the problems I see with this cast, is that they have no recurring characters. Recurring characters are what made this show so great. Characters like Waynes World, Pat, Church Lady, Opera Man, Matt Foley, Harry Carry, Bulls/Bears guys etc... Right now, I cannot name one recurring character for this present cast. Now that Will Ferrell (comic genius), Molly Shannon, Cheri Oteri, Chris Kattan, and Jimmy Fallon have all left I think it would be wise to start all over with a whole new cast of no-names. Kind of like what they did when Farley/Sandler/Myers/Spade all left the show. Oh, and who's bright idea was it to make Tina Fey the head writer. Ever since she has gotten that title, the show has gone in the crapper. Oh and no, this is not a campaign to get Schmuko an opportunity on the show. I am fully aware that I am not talented enough to be on the show. So don't worry folks.

I saw an advertisement for that new "Apprentice Burger" from Burger King. I believe its called the "Western Steakburger." It contains 1/3 lb of burger, lettuce, chedder cheese, bbq sauce, and onion rings (woooh) After seing this ad, the fat kid alarm was of course going off at a rapid rate. So I waddled over to my nearest Burger King and was getting ready to meet my new friend. Right before I was getting ready to order, some whacko lady comes out of nowhere and cuts in front of me to ask for change. I mean, it was almost like it was staged or something. The timing was just phenomenal. Seeing that I was waiting before the whacko lady, the Burger King employee allowed me to order my food first. So of course I went ahead and ordered my Western Steakburger. The whacko lady, hears what I orderd and glances at the pictuee of the Steakburger. She then says to me, "Oooooh ,boy that looks good." Being the friendly gent that I am, I replied, "Yes it does." Was she done talking? Oh no. Because this burger is known as the "Apprentice Burger." She then says, "Oh, thats the burger from The Apprentice. That Donald Trump sure has weird hair. Its so obvious he goes for the comb-over. Hah-Hah-Hah." (Hey annoying Sherlock, that's the first I've heard about somebody talking about Trump's hair. Friggin Idiot!) Trying to get her to shut the F-up, I just faked laughed and said "Oh, I know." But people, the question here is why do you have to talk to me? I don't know you and I don't want to get to know you. I'm just trying to fill my manatee appetite and enjoy a burger here. So please leave me the hell alone and in return I will leave you alone. Deal? Deal.

Before I say goodbye, I'll tell you my Super Bowl thoughts. Very good match-up between the Patriots and Eagles. If Terrell Owens was 100 percent healthy, I might have picked the Eagles. But since he is not, I will have to go with the Patriots. Tom Brady always finds a way to get the job done, Bellicheck is amazing at coming up with defensive schemes, and Corey Dillon is a weapon that they have never been able to utilize in a Super Bowl before. I do think the Eagles will make the game competitive. Terell Owens will not be a factor and will be mainy used as a decoy. If the Patriots can stop the versatile Brian Westbrook, the Eagles have no chance. Final Score: Patriots 27 Eagles 23.

I'm out!

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