Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Jonno the Cable Guy

Don't you just love those Saturday nights when you’re curled up on the couch and relaxing with your significant other? I do too and thanks for asking. But during a recent Saturday night, I found myself a little distracted when I heard my elderly neighbors yelling outside of their home. 
Being the caring and courageousness neighbor that I am, I went outside to make sure everything was okay. They divulge to me the disastrous news that their TV isn't working and that they need assistance. Seriously? This is the reason why you're screaming at the top of your lungs just outside my door? And another thing... Why am I the only neighbor that seems to care about the elderly couple's well-being? As always, too many questions and too few answers.

To help you get a better idea of this lovely elderly couple, here are a few nuggets about them… (Please note: Do not confuse these with my scrumptious McNugget section)

  • They’re Greek and speak very little English
  • The husband is in his 90’s and his wife in his 80s
  • They have a care taker, but she leaves around dinner time
  • And for the big whammy… They are Holocaust Survivors 
(I'll wait a few moments for the awkward silence to die down.)

As I entered their home I could hear the TV, but the picture was not working properly. I tried several tactics with the remote and I couldn’t get it to work. I was out of ideas. I turned to the elderly couple and broke the news to them that there was nothing else I could do. They looked devastated and I felt like I had let them down.

The elderly woman asked me if I would call the cable company. All I could think was “Oh no.” I immediately pictured myself spending my whole Saturday night on the phone with the cable company while the elderly couple yelled at me in Greek. I didn’t know how to respond, so I apologized for not being able to help them. She then asked again, but fortunately her husband intervened and thanked me for trying.

I waddled back to my apartment with this horrible and unsettling feeling. All I could think was how could I let down Holocaust Survivors? These people suffered hundreds of times more than I ever will in my lifetime. So why couldn’t I suffer one Saturday night away? In a way, I felt like Liam Neeson during his climatic scene in “Schindler’s List”... 

I could have done more!

I went back to the elderly couple’s home and this time I brought my fiancee with me for moral support. When I walked in their faces lit up as if I were some type of super hero. I looked them deep in their eyes and told them “I’m not leaving until this friggin TV gets fixed.”

I got on the phone and called their cable company. Within a few minutes into the call, the TV suddenly worked. Apparently, my fiancee had the bright idea to push the power button on the digital box. I’m not sure why exactly I never thought to do that, but nonetheless the elderly couple enjoyed "Jeopardy" at a very high volume level.

Even though the mission was accomplished, I still felt like I could have done more. Did they need help with their dial-up internet? Or how about changing any light bulbs? What about opening a jar of kosher pickles?

Did you hear that delicious sound? It’s six juicy McNuggets coming your way…

1. Is there anyway I can see the new “Die Hard” movie with just the scenes involving the hot chick on the motorcycle?     

2. You’re probably not making a good impression at your new job, when someone asks you to remove programs from an old computer and you then attempt to physically open the computer “Zoolander” style.

3. Since it was recently Doppelganger week, I’ve decided to join in the fun and share the one celebrity I constantly get compared to… 

Okay, maybe I have a few more freckles, but do you see the resemblance?

4. To help solve the table clogging issue at coffee establishments, they should hire someone to yell out every hour... "Your screenplay stinks! Move on with your life already!"

5. You know you're moving up in the world, when Wayne Gretzky's daughter blocks you on Twitter.

6. Very excited for my audition tomorrow for the role of Mr. Small in "The Carrie Diaries." Keep your fingers crossed for for me! 


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