Sunday, September 04, 2005

Alert to all DORKS: Fantasy Football Preview!

Because I got nothing to talk about and the best thing on earth called the NFL starts this week, I thought why not give my NFL '05 Preview. Ladies, I know this blog will not interest you, but this will give you great knowledge for conversations that you'll have with your boyfriend or future dates. If your boyfriend or date is not interested in talking about Football, then your relationship will not work out because he is Gay. Now let's start this!

(The following rankings are based on each player's fantasy value, not their actual talent.)

Top Five QB's

1. Peyton Manning-This man is a fantasy GOD. The numbers he puts up every week is above and beyond any other QB. If you have this man on your fantasy team and do not win the championship, then you are offically retarded.

2.Daunte Culpepper-I used to think Warren Moon was the only brotha that can throw the pigskin, but I was wrong. Culpepper has emerged as a top QB in this league with his freakish athletic skills and strong arm. Without Moss, his numbers will hurt a little bit, but at the same time he won't have the pressure to throw Moss the ball. Keep in mind, that Minnesota has a new Offense Coordinator so that can sometimes change a team's philosophy. If you are looking for a WR, Nate Burleson will be a good pick because it looks like he's Culpepper's #1 guy.

3. Kerry Collins-This guy has been my sleeper since day 1 of the offseason. Why? Two words: Randy Moss. Any QB that throws to Moss will put up huge numbers. To go along with that they also have Jerry Porter, RB Lamont Jordan, and a great offensive minded coach in Norv Turner. They're also in a talented offensive division that will have to throw the ball to stay in games. Collins will easily have over 4,000 yards.

4-Marc Bulger-Even though I think Mike Martz is a horrible head coach, he is friggin obsessed with passing. The Rams have an easy schedule and an easy division. The key is for Bulger to stay healthy. He has a crappy offensive line and does not handle hits well. Nonetheless, he is a great Fantasy QB.

5-Trent Green-I know people are going to ask "Where is Donovan McNabb?" I just think there is too much turmoil in Philly. Every year Green puts up huge numbers and he gets no respect. Kansas City has one of the best offenses in the NFL, so there is no reason to overlook him.

Top Five RB's

1.LaDainian Tomlinson-No question LT is the best back in Football. He gets a crap load of rushing and receiving yards. I will say to watch out for they're tough schedule and I also wonder when will this kid break-down because of over usage. Because it happens to every running back sometime in their career.

2.Priest Holmes-Would be the #1 back if he didn't have injury problems and was a few years younger. But when this man plays, he friggin plays! But again, will he stay healthy? And how many touches will Larry Johnson get?

3.Clinton Portis-Some people may think this is a weird pick. One of my major philosophies in Fantasy Drafts, is to take players coming off bad years who have a lot to prove. After signing a huge contract and not performing up to his expectations, Portis has tons to prove. He has tons of talent and a year of experience under Gibb's offensive system, so look for him to rebound.

4.Julius Jones-This guy showed plenty of flashes in limited action last year. Parcells loves to run the ball and he has built a very strong offensive line. I expect great things!

5.Duece McAllister-Many people may be wondering "Where is Shaun Alexander?" I'm not a big fan of Alexander. I think he is a bit soft and doesn't get enough receiving yards. Duece was slowed a bit from an injury last year, but when he got healthy he put up the numbers. It will be a tough season for the Saints because of everything that has happened in New Orleans. So the Saints will use Duece as much as possible to carry the load.

Top 5 WR's

1.Randy Moss- Moss had a bad year last year. He was hurt and did not perform up to his talent level. Now he has a new team and so much to prove that he is the best WR in the NFL. Expect a monster year, similar to Owen's in Philly last year.

2.Torry Holt-How does this guy not get any respect? Every year this guy puts up 1,000 yard/10TD seasons and yet nobody talks about him. He's got a good offense and easy schedule, so expect the same consistent numbers he always puts up.

3.Marvin Harrison-For Harrison standards, he had a bit of an off year. It wasn't really his fault, it's just that Manning found other weapons in Wayne and Stokely. But look for Harrison to bounce back and put up the numbers he is known to put up. Fun Fact: They survey the top NFL Defensive Backs and the majority said that Harrison is the most difficult WR to face.

4.Terell Owens-Terrell would be ranked #2 if he wasn't a raging A-Hole. So who knows what he is going to do. If the Eagles start to lose games, he could quit on his team. But if he plays, I do not see any reason why he cannot come close to the numbers he put up last year.

5.Chad Johnson-Johnson's numbers all depend on the development of Carson Palmer. Palmer showed flashes last year, but the question is can he do it for the whole season. Anyways, Johnson is a huge talent and you will be very fortunate to have him on your team.

So there you go! Hopefully I entertained the fellow dorks out there and did not bore my other fans into a coma. Can't wait till Sunday.

I'm out!

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