It was the beginning of my junior year at Indiana
University. Over the summer I had made an effort to lift weights and get a
little leaner in an attempt to lure the ladies. There was this girl I was smitten with in my 9:30am Telecom class. I had met her the year before working on a group project together and wanted to ask her out.
Since I was a bit of timid
wuss, I figured I would wait a little bit and develop more of a rapport with
her. Good thinking Jonno, wait for
something to develop while you’re in the one time in your life where girls are
exploring their sexuality and have low morals.
 |
| Jonno's college sex life |
It was Tuesday, September
11, 2001 and Jonno was going to make his move. I had an 8am class, followed by
my 9:30am Telecom class with the gal. (Brilliant scheduling by me)
In the 8am class, nobody
knew anything about the attacks even though the first tower had already been
hit.
I waddled to my 9:30 class and got myself mentally prepared to ask my
crush out. I walked into class and saw my teacher sitting down with other
classmates glued to the room’s television. There was dead silence as they
watched the live coverage on NBC. I could tell it was a bad situation, but at
that point, I didn’t fully know the severity of it. A few moments later, the
girl sits down next to me and also focuses on the television.
In hindsight, I realize how
ignorant this was of me, but I was completely focused on asking her out. For some
reason I had it in my head that this was the moment to do it. As she watched
the news, she began to freak out a little bit. Most of the people were watching
it quietly, but she kept on repeating, “Oh my
God. Oh my God.”
At this point I knew there
was no way possible I could make a move. I mean, even John Mayer would throw in
the towel in a situation like this. Plus, it wasn’t like I would never see her
again. I figured I would just take care of business the next week.
Well that never happened,
because I never saw her again. She apparently dropped out the class or stopped
going. Jonno had lost his opportunity.
Fortunately I don’t have to
blame the terrorists for my love life because I have a wonderful
woman by my
side. But, if there is anything to take away from this story, it’s that you should
go after every opportunity in life because you never know how long it will
last. (Also, try and hook up as much as
you can in college.)
How about we turn it up a
notch for a 9-piece McNugget!
1) I was playing flag football
the other day and ten minutes into the game this gentleman steps in a mud puddle and it
splatters all over my face to make me look like Mel Gibson in “Braveheart.” I really should
just stick to fantasy football.
2) Speaking of fantasy
football, if I could go back in time the first thing I would do is re-draft my
fantasy team.
3) When I look back at the
career of Michael Clarke Duncan, I realize the movie "A Night at the
Roxbury" would not have been the same without his role as bouncer #1.
4)
Why is it whenever I listen to Alec Baldwin's podcast, I feel like he
is trying to seduce me?
5) Whenever I see a dude open a car door for his woman, I immediately assume he has not had intercourse with her.
6) When I was teaching my parents how to copy and paste on the computer, it felt like I was teaching a chimp how to do sign language.
 | |
| This probably would have been a lot easier and more enjoyable. |
7) One of the positives to summer
ending is that I won't have to use my excuse of being allergic to the sun for wearing a t-shirt at pool and beach parties.
8) If I'm talking to somebody at a party and they use the word "equity", I will immediately tune out of the conversation.
9) Party Tip: If you're bringing
boneless buffalo wings to a party, it's not the best idea to eat five of
them in your car without drinking anything. Or else you’ll have the hiccups for the duration
of the party and receive odd looks from people.
H.A.K.A.S.
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