Monday, June 07, 2010

Broccoli, Inner Fat Kids, and MacGruber

So a bunch of people and myself went out to dinner at this Chinese restaurant to say goodbye to a friend that is moving back home.(Wuss... Cough... Cough...)  I didn't know most of the people there too well because they were mostly friends of my buddy who was leaving.  I did my best to be affable and engage in conversations, but I was a little off as usual.  On the bright side the food was awfully scrumptious, so I was inhaling it and chowing down like no other.  Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that one of the guy's girlfriend was not eating the fried rice that she ordered.  My nosy self was curious as to why she wasn't really eating at all, but didn't feel it was my business to ask.  Fortunately, somebody else at the table asked and her response was that she is upset because she thought there would be more broccoli in the fried rice.  Hmmm.... I found that response a bit peculiar because I could see if she hated the dish because there was too much of an ingredient, but to not eat it because it was lacking broccoli made very little sense to me.  Was she lying?  Is she truly obsessed with broccoli?  Why does my urine dribble when I pee?                           

After dinner we headed over to this crepes joint because they apparently had cheap drinks there.  Some of the people ordered crepes, while myself and the inner fat kid watched on with extreme jealously.  The Broccoli girlfriend seemed to be enjoying her whip cream/chocolate crepe...  Given that I really wasn't bringing much to the table conversation wise, I decided to make what we call in the business, a "Callback" joke.  (Awkward definition: A callback, in terms of comedy, is a joke which refers to one previously told in the set. The second joke is often presented in a different context than the one which was used in the initial joke.)   I debated for a second in my head if I should make the joke, but given my desperation to involve myself I decided to go for it.  So I said to the Broccoli girlfriend as she was eating the crepe, "So do you have some broccoli in there?"  Even though the joke wasn't that good, everybody at the table erupted in laughter.  Feeling good about myself and my witty one-liner, I turned to the Broccoli girlfriend to find out that she was giving me this scathing stare.  And it wasn't just a mean look and then she turned away.  She was looking at me like she wanted to chop my head off and run over it with her car a hundred times.  To be honest, I don't even think she was blinking.  Instead of engaging her in a staring contest, I began to feel extremely uncomfortable.  I didn't know what to do, so I asked her if she was mad at me.  Given that she wouldn't really answer, I tried my best to apologize if I offended her and explained repeatedly that I am truly a nice, harmless, individual.  I unfortunately wasn't really getting anywhere because for the rest of the night, given that she would not say a word to me.  In hindsight, I realize it wasn't appropriate of me to offend somebody or make them feel uncomfortable.  Although, if I had the choice again to make seven people laugh or piss off somebody that I will most likely never see again... I'm going with the call-back joke. 

Chicken McNuggets...

-You know you're officially losing it, when you wake up on a Sunday morning and you can't find your keys.  So you rummage frantically throughout your apartment... Until you locate your keys outside of your front door, hanging out of your door knob.  I seriously might as well wear a sign that says, "Please take everything you want and have your way with me." 

-I've gone to quite a few art festivals lately because I'm attempting to decorate my apartment.  And I've been seeing a recurring theme at all of these art festivals.   Every tent/booth I walk by, the person in charge of it is sitting in a chair and stuffing their face with a plate of food.  And they are always eating gross and quickly,  I don't know if eating like a starving Barbarian is a prerequisite to run a booth at an Art Festival, but it's not really gonna motivate me to drop a few hundos on a painting.  Btw, how does somebody get the art festival booth job?  That's something I would be awfully good at and qualified for.  
-Speaking of people eating food obnoxiously, I was at work the other day...  And they were serving ice cream at 3pm for some fundraiser.  So pretty much the whole day, I was staring at the clock and having a mental image of a countdown with Dick Clark in my head.  Then I get an e-mail around one o'clock about a meeting that was going to take place at...  Can you guess what time? 3pm of course.  After almost having a breakdown/hissy fit, I took a deep breaths and did my best to compose myself.  Given, that I've only been at this job for a few weeks, the smart thing to do would be to forget about the ice cream and just go to the meeting.  But as usual, Robert, my inner fat kid, took over the situation and made me get the ice cream first and bring it into the meeting.  Even though I was the only person eating the ice cream in the meeting and I got numerous weird looks, it was all worth it.  They even had rainbow sprinkles too!  (Can somebody explain why I still like rainbow sprinkles?)

-Even though the movie bombed, "MacGruber" was one of the funniest films I've seen in years.  It's not for everybody, but definitely for people with a random sense of a humor.  Otherwise, go see "Marmaduke"!    

-So I watched the MTV Movie awards last night...

Highlights: Tom Cruise dancing number, Katy Perry's outfit, Ken Jeong's emotional acceptance speech, and Sandra Bullock's winning the lifetime achievement award.

Lows:  Aziz Ansari's monologue, facing the fact that Will Smith's son is the next Karate Kid, and anytime Twilight won.  I think I rather have a staring contest with the broccoli girlfriend than listen to Kristen Stewart speak.

-In other news... A woman named Debrahlee Lorenzana has filed a lawsuit against Citigroup because she claims she was fired because she is too good looking.  This makes me feel better because now I understand why I was unemployed for six months. 

(It sure is tough being so good looking)

I'm Out!

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