Monday, February 08, 2010

Jimmy Kimmel Live

I recently had the pleasure of attending a live taping of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”. I’ve been a huge fan of Jimmy Kimmel and the show for a while, so I was looking forward to the experience. I had been to see Letterman twice, while I spent a summer in New York many years ago. I know some people just want to see a live show once and never do it again. But I’m what you call a bit of a dork, and I enjoy seeing all the stuff that happens behind the scenes. So my friend and I went on a Friday evening because that was the most convenient day for us to go on. It was probably not the most masculine of shows to see, given that the guests were Josh Duhamel and John Mayer. So order to fit in with the crowd, I brought a pair of my panties to throw at the studly men. I was sad to give them up because it was my only pair that did not have any skid mark remnants in it, but at least it was for a good cause.

As you walk in to the studio, the PA’s on the show direct you where to sit. The studio is a lot smaller than it looks on TV. There are two rows right in front of the stage and then behind the cameras are another 10-12 rows. It really made no sense as to how the PA’s decide where you sit. From my best awkward analysis, it seemed like the good looking people were sat in the front, while the “Others” were placed towards the back. My analysis was given more credibility, when these two heavier-set gals that were standing in front of us were seated in the last row in the back. Given that my friend and myself won’t be on the cover on Men’s Health anytime soon, I assumed the PA was going to sit us right next to the hefters in the back. Surprisingly, he sat us in the first row right behind the cameras. I guess he figured our butterfaces would be blocked by the cameras. As I was looking at the PA, I thought to myself, "God, that I guy looks familiar." Where the hell do I know him from? Then it occurred to me that he was on one of the seasons of “Punked”. I then asked him if he was on the show and he gave me a shocked look that I actually recognized him. It made me wonder how in the hell is a guy from “Punked” working as a PA? I guess it just demonstrates how hard this business is and why I have started working as a stripper.

Ladies and some gentleman, I understand that Josh Duhamel is easy on the eyes, but boy he can put you to sleep when he talks. He was telling some story that was absolutely making no sense and actually caused people in the audience to start laughing. The highlight of the show was actually the second guest. It was some midget named Shorty Rossi and he was friggin hilarious. Apparently this guy has his own reality show called “Pit Boss” where he helps rescue pit bulls in dangerous neighborhoods and gets in fights with thugs. It might be a wise decision for Shorty to expand his business and rescue boring celebrities before they embarrass themselves on live television. 

(Watch out Duhamel! Shorty and his posse are coming.)
Besides waiting in line, the most annoying thing about a live talk show has to be the Warm-Up guy. By the way, who the hell would want to be the warm-up guy? It’s almost like a profession for a rebound guy after a break-up. You just want to get him out of the way, so you can move on to something better. After listening to him tell jokes for 20 minutes you would find in a laffy taffy wrapper, I wanted to bang my head against the wall. Apparently this rebound guy has 8 lives or something because he would not go away. During the show he constantly gestures for you to laugh and clap. For a person such as myself that gets distracted when they see a dust of air, it takes away from the enjoyment. I must say though that Jimmy Kimmel is amazingly talented and it seems like he treats his staff well because they all seem extremely happy. My only suggestion is to maybe switch the audience PA dude from “Punked” with the warm-up guy.

Other McNuggets…

-I used to think TV caused me to waste the most of time out of my day, but I’m beginning to think Facebook has taken first place. I don’t know what my deal is, maybe it’s because I’m a bit nosey, but I could seriously look at pictures for 24 hours/7 days a week. I just sit there like zombie, slouched in my chair, with my dropped open, and look at picture after picture. By the 20th picture, my brain usually wakes up and asks me, “Hey schmucko, what the hell are you doing?” To make it even more ridiculous I’m usually looking at pictures of somebody I don’t even know. It’s like a friend of a friend or something like that, which probably makes me some kind of stalker. So be careful my fellow Facebookers… You might not be aware, but this nosey schmuko could be looking at your pictures at this very moment. Watch out!

-I was having dinner with a friend recently and besides ripping my blog(he thinks I ramble on too much, which is true and I’m working on it) he pulled a very crafty move on me. After we got our food, he pulled the old, “Hey do you want to trade half and half?” This is the not the first time he has pulled the switch-a-rue on me. I remember him doing it before when I ordered a scrumptious turkey meatloaf sandwich and he ordered some chicken curry sandwich. I remember agreeing to the trade and regretting it for the whole week after that. So this was my time to redeem myself and especially the other half of the turkey meatloaf sandwich that I abandoned. I did not want to switch this time because I was perfectly content with my blackened chicken sandwich and wasn’t really in the burger mood. I quickly tried to think of an excuse to not trade, but I couldn’t come up with anything. So I caved in and switched sandwiches with him. In hindsight, I should’ve said, “Sorry I can’t eat your burger because it causes me to ramble on my blog too much.”

-I was on the Paramount lot recently and as I was driving up I saw the two kids from “Glee”. I’m not an avid watcher of the show, but it was the tall guy and the dark haired girl. According to IMDB, their character names on the show are Finn and Rachel. From gawking at them, I got the idea that they are probably dating or at least hooking up. Plus, I remember hearing about them possibly being together in the tabloids. I’m not sure if Finn is aware, but I have a history of ruining celebrity couple relationships. If you go back in the awkward vaults, you can find out how I was the reason for the Rihanna/Chris Brown break-up. You see what happens here is that once the celebrity female sees me… She immediately becomes extremely attracted and infatuated with me to the point where it ruins her current relationship. To prove my point even further, I heard a few days ago that the Finn dude is canoodling(I really hate that word) with Taylor Swift. Hmmmm... I find it awfully suspicious that he’s on the market so soon. I don’t know, but I’m just sayin’….

(Sorry buddy, but I hoped you enjoyed your time with her)

-I gotta say I was kind of rooting for Peyton Manning to win the Super Bowl. I know he already has a ring, but it’s like how can you not like the guy? He is talented, works his ass off, and is not one of those Brett Favres who needs all the constant attention and recognition. But I have to give credit to the Saints. They were the better team yesterday. Obviously, the coach’s gutsy call for the onside kick changed the whole momentum of the game. But a guy that nobody is talking about and should get more attention, is the Saints kicker. In a season where field goal kicking has been extremely inconsistent, this dude kicked three fields of 40 plus yards with perfect accuracy. I know it sounds a bit out there, but he gets my vote for the MVP.

I’m Out!

No comments: