The Suit Jacket

Recently, I had the pleasure of attending a wedding in Minneapolis with the good old fiancée (FI). The wedding was for a college friend of the FI and I wanted to make a positive impression. To my own surprise, I was able to accomplish it. I had a good buzz going and I was strutting my stuff on the dance floor.

My Perception

My Reality

Despite my lack of dancing skills, I was feeling good that the FI's friends were seeing a fun version of Jonno.It was around midnight and the wedding was coming to an end. The plan was to take a cab with another couple back to the hotel. Earlier in the night I had taken off my suit jacket and left it on the chair at my table. When I had went back to retrieve it, the jacket was gone.

I scanned the table to see if there were any other suit jackets and I noticed one on the opposite side of the room. I picked it up and realized it was somebody else's Hugo Boss jacket with a pink interior. I looked around at the other tables and there were no jackets to be seen. My suit jacket was indeed gone and I began to panic.

The suit I was wearing was fairly new and one that I had gotten tailored for my heavenly shaped physique. I do own one other suit, but it is a bit older and the jacket fits me like the little kid at the end of the movie “Big.” More importantly, I really did not want to spend the money and time to buy a brand new suit.

I was given an index card to fill out with my information in case somebody returned the jacket. Because I was a neurotic drunken mess, I was concerned that I had written the wrong phone number down. I made a big scene in front of everybody for the FI to track down the guy with the card to ensure the info was correct. Now all of the FI's friends were seeing a different and less likable side of Jonno. 

While all of this is going on, the FI’s friend and her husband were waiting for me with the cab.
In a perfect world, it would have been nice if I played it cool when I got in the cab and been like…

“It’s no big deal. It happens all the time. I’m sure I’ll get the jacket back.”

Unfortunately that did not happen and I decided to go this route...

I want my suit jacket back!!!!

For the 20-minute cab ride I had the brilliant idea to not say one single word. They did their best to include me in the conversation and I just sat there stone-faced. To say the very least it was extremely awkward and I did absolutely nothing to help the situation.

When we got back to the hotel room, I acted like a complete ass to the FI. Despite my immature antics, she was gracious enough to text her friend (the bride) about my jacket. The FI had a hunch that this one drunk doofus at our table might have taken the jacket.

Amazingly enough the next morning we got a text from the bride that the drunken doofus did indeed take my jacket by mistake. Apparently, somebody had taken his jacket so he then decided to continue the idiotic trend and take my jacket. I was then given the phone number of the sister to the drunken doofus since he crashed there that night.

I called and texted the number and heard nothing. The problem was that I had to leave for the airport in an hour. I figured the best case scenario was that the drunken doofus would ship me the jacket in a few weeks. Miraculously enough, I got a text back and the sister told me her drunken doofus brother would drop off my jacket in 30 minutes.

I met the drunken doofus in the lobby and he gave me the jacket. It was an awkward exchange because I wasn’t really sure what I should say or if I should shake his hand. Instead he gave a quick “sorry” and left. I looked at my jacket and there was of course some weird spot on there. I didn’t care if the drunken doofus made nice, sweet love to the jacket because I was just happy to finally have it back.



One thing this incident taught me is to never take off my suit jacket at a wedding. I also learned whoever said to "always be yourself" was totally wrong.  

H.A.K.A.S.