The Awkward Proposal

It was a beautiful, sunny Saturday in Malibu and I was a few hours away from proposing to the GF. The plan was to propose some time after dinner on the beach. For some reason the ring box that I had was abnormally big; it looked like I had a sideways erection in my pocket. Fortunately, the GF was holding onto my wallet which helped the situation a bit. Although, I’m still curious how most lads hold onto the box without it getting noticed.Perhaps, I'll do a scientific study one of these days.

I had made reservations at an upscale restaurant, Geoffreys in Malibu, which was next to the ocean. They gave us a nice romantic table off to the side and everything seemed to be going smoothly. The GF even said she saw a dolphin swimming in the ocean; this unfortunately isn’t a normal occurrence at our usual date spot “Sizzler.”

About 45 minutes into our dinner, celebrity power couple Fergie and Josh Duhamel walk in and are seated at the table right behind us. When I saw them I kind of wanted to scream like a little school girl, but I was able to contain myself and politely elbowed the GF instead. Josh Duhamel was so close to me we were practically rubbing our buttocks against each other. 

I gotta feeling... Tonight is going to be an awkward night.

Then a light bulb went off and I thought to myself... “Why don’t I just propose during dinner?”  We were seated by a large family celebrating a college graduation and also a young prom couple, so there was a positive vibe and good energy surrounding us. Plus, Fergie and Josh Duhamel seemed open for a little banter as they chatted with the prom couple. I thought about what a great story it would be if we celebrated our engagement with two A-List celebrities. Plus, my hopes of a beach-side proposal were squelched after our waitress deemed the stairs down to the ocean “off-limits” for diners. 

We had already finished our main course, so I made a quick trip to the bathroom to get myself psyched up. I sat back down and waited for it to get a little quiet. I wasn’t exactly sure how to initiate the proposal as I’m far from being smooth, or a romantic individual. So I turned to the GF and said “I have a question for you…”

As I suavely pulled out the ring box the GF whispered in a panicky urgency “Jon, please don’t propose to me right now. Please! I don’t want to get embarrassed. I’d rather it just be the two of us!”

The gig was up. Apparently the GF had seen the bulge in my pocket when I walked back from the bathroom; I had tried to explain the bulge was from looking at Josh Duhamel, but she didn’t buy it.

I was in complete and utter shock. All I could think was “Are you kidding me?”  I felt like I had just been caught with my pants down right as I was about to urinate and somebody had yelled “STOP!” I didn’t understand how I could start a proposal, pause it and then continue it somewhere else. I thought about going against her wishes and just forcing the proposal on her, but it didn’t feel right. Plus, I wanted to make a good impression on Fergie because I've always felt my true calling was to be a back-up dancer to the Black Eyed Peas.

So our new plan was to drive on the Pacific Coast Highway and find a good place to stop on the beach. I wasn’t happy with this plan, but there weren't any better options. It was around 9pm when we started driving down the PCH and we struggled to find a good place to stop. It was night time and most of the public beach parking lots were closed. Sometimes I would suggest a spot and the GF wouldn’t like it. Then other times she would suggest a spot and I wasn’t big on it or I would stupidly drive past it.

Finally, I had enough and was desperate to get the proposal over with. I knew if this kept on we would eventually do a “Thelma and Louise” and drive off the Santa Monica Pier. I made a decision to pull over to the side of the road and bust out the ring box. Of course I opened the ring box upside down and causing the ring to fall out of its spot. I said some nice things about the GF and finished the now epic proposal. 

It wasn’t the most romantic spot nor was anything executed efficiently, but nonetheless it was a proposal in true Jonno fashion. Honestly in the end, I don't think any of this matters; what does matter is that little Jonno has a good woman on his side, who for some odd reason is willing to put with all of his annoying and irritating idiosyncrasies. God bless her.

My only concern now is that come wedding day she’ll stop me right before I say "I do" and will beg me in front of 200 people to please find a more private spot to do our vows. If it happens again, I’ll go to Plan B and run off with Josh Duhamel.

H.A.K.A.S.