The Red Eye

For this blog entry, I decided to go back into the awkward vaults and share a story that happened to me a about three years ago. This story occurred to me because I've been traveling and flying pretty frequently lately, kind of like George Clooney from "Up In The Air." Except I'm not as cool and I don't hook up with hot random married women. (No jealousy at all.) Anyway,  I can't believe I never shared this story given it made me chuckle when I recalled all the events that happened.   

So I was in LA at the time(my first tour) and flying to my friend's wedding in Miami. It's not the most convenient flight given there aren't many direct flights to Miami. So I ended up taking the red eye around 11pm and was arriving at 7am. This was actually my first red eye flight I had ever taken, so it was going to be a bit of an adjustment for little Jonno. In addition, I'm not a person who sleeps on planes very easily given my brain moves like a hamster wheel.  I was seated in an aisle seat next to this friendly, older southern couple probably in late 60's early 70's. In order to not be a mess the whole trip and get some shut eye, I popped two benadryl before the flight.

About two hours into the flight I finally fell asleep. As I was sleeping, I kind of had this feeling that there was something around me. I wasn't sure what, but I knew it was something. So as I open my eyes, I look over and there is this bald, albino, gentleman probably in his mid 30's hovering over me with his eyes closed. He practically looked like a zombie ready to eat my head off. And I was like holy friggin sh*t! I didn't know what the heck was going on. Out of all the people that could be sleepwalking, how come this guy had to be a bald albino scary looking zombie?  I mean why couldn't the person have been a nun or an accountant or any other type of a human being? Just not a zombie looking dude!

(Rise and shine Jonno!)

                  











As I am face to face with the bald albino sleepwalker zombie, I realize he is about fall on top of me. So in order to not get smashed by him I lightly pushed him away. As I pushed him he felt like the weight of a feather because he was asleep. So he flings backward and falls on the back of his head and into the aisle. Because of the fall everybody on the plane woke up from their slumber and that's when the mayhem started. The Southern older couple who I thought were sweet people at first, quickly turned on me. It's true you really do learn who your real friends are in stressful situations. The husband of the couple turned to me and yelled, "What are you doing? Get up and get some help!" So let me get this straight... Because I was sleeping and an bald albino sleepwalking zombie decided to fall on top of me, this was somehow my fault?

I was a bit groggy from my sleep, but being the true hero I am I managed to get out of my seat and seek help. I went to the front of the plane and there were no stewardesses to be seen. When I turned around I saw that there were two stewardesses from the back of the plane attending to the bald albino zombie. The albino ended up fortunately being fine, but I still got the stink eye from every single passenger for the rest of the flight. The plane was overwhelmingly pro-zombie and anti-Jonno. To make it even crazier, I later saw where the zombie was sitting and it was towards the back of the plane. I was sitting in the 5th row, which means he had to pass about 20 rows before he decided I was the lucky chosen one to fall on.

God, that George Clooney is a lucky bastard! (Again, not jealous)

I'm Out!